Deceased, But Very Much Alive.

I thought about you again today,
Yesterday, last week, and the day before.
I don't want to grieve no more. 
I have all of your things,
They're reminders of the past.
I'd give it all back just to have you here.
I miss the way you could make me smile like no one else can. 
Everyone's always talking about how I have the memories to last. 
But I don't want the memories. 
I'd give them all back, just to see your face again. 
Just one more time. Just one more night on the phone, telling you secrets. The biggest, the smallest. All of them in between. 
You were my best friend & you still are today. 
No one could take your place.
I remember one night how this guy was saying you were nothing.
Maybe to him you're nothing. 
Does he not realize that you're everything to me? You're everything in between. 
You were my first word. 
You are the first man to steal my heart. 
You'll have my heart forever.
Alcohol sure did ruin our lives.
They're right! I need the memories. I need those empty nights. We just sit around doing nothing, talking about how we wish we could fly. 
We both loved heights.
I'm the spitting image of you.
We are the same. 
You taught me these ways of life.
You taught me how to make it on my own.
I'm so young. I've already lost my heart.
Most girls talking about how they have that one special person and they didn't call them tonight.
Do they not see the bigger things in life?
Am I all alone down here? With these sleepless nights. 
Medication in the morning.
Medication again at night.
I spent a whole night in the crazy house just trying to figure shit out.
Not many understand the feeling of losing one so dear.
So near.
You're so alone in so much atmosphere. 
You gotta find the motivation to sleep at night, and then again the next.
You gotta find the motivation to wake up. 
New ways to vent.
I had never cut myself until it was the only thing I had left.
I know you're looking down on me.
I know you're not ashamed.
You know I'll find my way, in this big big world astray. 
You know I started smoking, 
You're not ashamed of that.
You know a guy broke my heart,
If you were here, you'd get the baseball bat. 
You'd load your guns and threaten him with the truth. 
You'd say the only guy that I needed was you.
Then you'd take me on a date, show me what I actually deserve. 
We'd talk about the mysterious because we both love that the most. 
But for now, all I need is the memories. 
For some day, we'll reunite. 
That day will be the best day of my sad sad life.