Continue to beat Me And one day I'll Win

So many times I feel like fuck it
Down on my luck, aint even got a bucket to piss in.
Why does it feel like I'm living the life of a non-stop fight  
Cause I'm feeling so alone in this fucked up life  
Running with life, but I'm losing the race
Mom said dinner is ready but it aint shit on our plate
Mom was to buissy getting high up in the kitchen  
Only cooking  was being done was moms cocaine addiction
The hunger literally caused our stomach's pain  
Fighting this war, but I just can't win  
Being punished like I committed a deadly sin  
I used to drown my emotions with a heart warming book  
But Little sis is hungry there aint even shit to cook  
Never made life out to be sweet, but did it have to be this hard?
Hungry as fuck, but mom sold the stamps off the card  
We cant even rely on dem welfare checks
Dope man at the door and it aint even the 1st
Crying on the couch watching mom pull lent out her purse
Trying to scrap up to get her next fix
I guess she said fuck family some things you wont miss.
Knock on the door..Dad missing? I haven't seen em yet
Lights jus got cut off, ain't got a number to call, the bill's no where to be seen.
Light up the candles, hell this a normal routine.
Grabbed my dad's bottle & took the advice of coping  
Scared to death of sleep, so I slept with one eye open
Dad couldn't handle his high, when he would start drinkin  
So he chose  me or  mom as his punching bag
Lil sis hid in her closet all night crying just sad
I rather it be me then her,that typa abuse wasnt good for a 4yr old lil girl.
He would beat my mom till she was bloody and blue,then turn to me and apologize for the things his addiction made him do.
When mom would black out he would come for me.
After a while it wasnt a purpose to fight any longer cus dad was just over barring.
Little brown eyes peeking through the door,tiny echoes saying daddy please dont hit sissy anyore.
But when dad would stop and look at her,I would scream close the door with what lil voice I had left.
Then daddy would rip my clothes and put his hands around my neck.
Eventually I would pass out from the pain,But when i woke up only person who mattered was my lil sister Rain.
Never enjoyed childhood, went from eight to grown  
I wasn't given guidance, I was brought up alone.
I was thinking of crying out in a high pitched plea  
because I knew the rage would get worse.
And eventually Kill me.
Im tired ,Im tired of living the life of a non-stop fight  
But im screaming FUCK IT!!!!!  
Things will change God gives his toughest battles to his tiny soldiers and one day I will win.