A Beneficial Friend.

I suppose I am your girlfriend
In the sense that I am a girl
And I am your friend
Breaking my heart on Christmas Day
You finished us before we could properly begin
Driving me around the bend
I feel like I am swimming against an emotion
In which I can never win. 

Visits to home are a guaranteed commotion
I see you, and I feel desire
Without a thought, I will sin
But now I am just your beneficial friend
Making me hate you, want you, miss you, love you
Only now I see how this situation is dire
And although my heart isn’t on the mend
We are losing our fire 

Months and days, months and days
It gets harder, and yet it gets easier
As our beneficial relationship frays
My thoughts of you become so much more hazier 

I need to let you go, out of my heart
Move on, and move up
But you are like a poisonous dart
You drain me like alcohol in your cup
Without a thought, without a care
So much so, it is almost too much
More than I bear
And so I hold on to you as if you are my crutch 

The worst part of it all
Is that you have no idea, joking I have it bad
And as I feel myself fall, fall, fall
I’m not gonna feel sad
Because when I crash
And burn
Ill find my strength in my stash
And so my life will finally turn.