deepundergroundpoetry.com
Gold hearts are made of gold for a reason.
her paper skin resembled
a little pastel hell
assembled for my drunkness
just for the thrill,
of a crocodile smile, or maybe a glance
that said "i'd have to pay in bills
to at least have a chance" to swoon her rapidly
and love her to the core
but tragically she's just a stripper
a money loving whore.
a little pastel hell
assembled for my drunkness
just for the thrill,
of a crocodile smile, or maybe a glance
that said "i'd have to pay in bills
to at least have a chance" to swoon her rapidly
and love her to the core
but tragically she's just a stripper
a money loving whore.
Published 23rd Jan 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jan 2013 12:27pm
23rd Jan 2013 12:42pm
There is so much I am liking about this. You think outside the box. My only suggestions would be pay close attention to your word choices. Your verbs, and adjectives will directly correlate (or mirror each other)in the mind of the reader, creating the overall image. You're still a tad loose in that area.
And never forget to show something new, different. Simple trick - If you have heard it before, and you can't improve it. Stay away from it.
You have a great deal of promise :)
And never forget to show something new, different. Simple trick - If you have heard it before, and you can't improve it. Stay away from it.
You have a great deal of promise :)
23rd Jan 2013 12:54pm
