deepundergroundpoetry.com
invisible
Do you think anyone would notice
I hope to God someone notices
Just another day that's bad
Left alone to remember I'm sad
Trapped in the depths of my clever hell
Where I've condemned myself so very well
What if i stopped ever trying
Because all that's left started dying
Wasting away to nothing but a stain
For all my efforts were in vain
I've kept these feelings in the dark
Now my hearts been ripped apart
I'm just feeding my own pain
Cuz I've got nothing left to
What if i ended it right here
Every pain and every fear
Would i save you from frustration
Of all my angst and vindication
Do you think anyone would notice
I hope to God someone notices
I'm gone
I hope to God someone notices
Just another day that's bad
Left alone to remember I'm sad
Trapped in the depths of my clever hell
Where I've condemned myself so very well
What if i stopped ever trying
Because all that's left started dying
Wasting away to nothing but a stain
For all my efforts were in vain
I've kept these feelings in the dark
Now my hearts been ripped apart
I'm just feeding my own pain
Cuz I've got nothing left to
What if i ended it right here
Every pain and every fear
Would i save you from frustration
Of all my angst and vindication
Do you think anyone would notice
I hope to God someone notices
I'm gone
Published 21st Dec 2012
| Edited 19th Feb 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 2
reads 707
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Dec 2012 3:51am
One thing that this poem definitely reminds of is times where I've held feelings within especially when you feel like you have no one to turn to and you end up tearing yourself apart. Not the best experience at all. "Do you think anyone would notice
I hope to God someone notices" This is a good stanza however it's repeated far too often. You could repeat it less throughout the poem and still get your point across. If you wanted to, try changing up the words a bit so that it will seem less redundant. Trust me it helps. Aside from that, this is a good poem in my opinion
I hope to God someone notices" This is a good stanza however it's repeated far too often. You could repeat it less throughout the poem and still get your point across. If you wanted to, try changing up the words a bit so that it will seem less redundant. Trust me it helps. Aside from that, this is a good poem in my opinion
23rd Dec 2012 4:43am
Thanks i really appreciate that. I haven't been able to figure out what's wrong with this writing. I think that's it. Thank you
