deepundergroundpoetry.com
Stream of Babble
It's late but I won't sleep
until my head is heavy.
I can fix everyone else's
problems, but I struggle with my own.
Apparently, I have PTSD by proxy, which may
or may not make sense. Doc said it's
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" because
I'm witnessing my mother's deterioration.
"by proxy" because she hasn't died
yet.
People say it's difficult and how
I have a lot on my plate.
I say, I know, and I'm full up,
dammit. Is it my fault
it has manifested into this strange
malediction? Fucking cancer.
It reaches everywhere, and
beyond the patient, apparently.
It messes with my head, turns
my sense to mush.
So, it's like this. If I have
a headache, then obviously
it's a brain tumor. If I have
dry, scratchy eyes, I'm
going blind. If my energy
levels drop, it's
gotta be diabetes. Today
the doc said I have a
throat infection. Boy, was
last night fun, with all
the possibilities I imagined. Doc
gave me antibiotics and a bellyful
of good advice. I heard the
bit where he said
"Spend time with your
friends." I can do that.
This was written for the "Babble" competition, where a stream of conscious writing is encouraged. Some poetic structure and flow have probably suffered - no doubt I will come back one day and cringe... For now, here is the raw form.
Published 15th Dec 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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15th Dec 2012 8:19am
15th Dec 2012 8:24am
15th Dec 2012 9:04am
Freaking awesome...
Comes into play around here somewhat, considered to be an natural job hazard I guess. Having worked in various jobs as a behavioral health para-pro, the best definition I have ever heard for a diagnosis is something to tell the insurance provider so they will pay the damn bill.
Medical modalities are falling out of vogue. (Treating the "disease" rather than treating the patient.) I think you discuss the whys and wherefores of that here quite insightfully.
Also having done some medic time (civilian translation, basically like an LPN ala battle-field medicine, where you have a lot more room to move within your areas of proficiency)-- Docs have a way of looking at the worst case scenarios as something to rule out. It's more about not missing something vital, than to fill you full of dread and concern.
Okay, now I am babbling. *Smirks* Must be infectious.
Excellent write Atakti.
Uley
Comes into play around here somewhat, considered to be an natural job hazard I guess. Having worked in various jobs as a behavioral health para-pro, the best definition I have ever heard for a diagnosis is something to tell the insurance provider so they will pay the damn bill.
Medical modalities are falling out of vogue. (Treating the "disease" rather than treating the patient.) I think you discuss the whys and wherefores of that here quite insightfully.
Also having done some medic time (civilian translation, basically like an LPN ala battle-field medicine, where you have a lot more room to move within your areas of proficiency)-- Docs have a way of looking at the worst case scenarios as something to rule out. It's more about not missing something vital, than to fill you full of dread and concern.
Okay, now I am babbling. *Smirks* Must be infectious.
Excellent write Atakti.
Uley
15th Dec 2012 9:23am
Wow, thanks for that in-depth comment Uley.
The diagnoses were all my own.. me imagining the worst - the first time where I've lost control of my imagination since I was a girl imagining monsters under the bed.
I have a baseball bat for those monsters now. What do I do with the ones in my head? - rhetorical question, kinda.
The diagnoses were all my own.. me imagining the worst - the first time where I've lost control of my imagination since I was a girl imagining monsters under the bed.
I have a baseball bat for those monsters now. What do I do with the ones in my head? - rhetorical question, kinda.
15th Dec 2012 9:42am
15th Dec 2012 9:51am
Anonymous
15th Dec 2012 10:10am
Lovely babble ataki.
Strider :)
Strider :)
15th Dec 2012 10:30am
15th Dec 2012 11:55am
Great babble Atakti that I can actually understand.
Good luck with the comp dear. :)
Good luck with the comp dear. :)
15th Dec 2012 4:22pm
19th Mar 2013 6:14pm
the stream of consciousness is the way to go. It is what it is. Unpolished this has perfect displays of desperate. Too desperate to fuck about with metaphor and the likes. That is what I like. A raw and rugged report of a day in the life of. You just bled on the page madame, and that is all the reader asks.
19th Mar 2013 7:22pm
Thanks, Panama, for your thoughts...
Raw honesty, I know you like that type of work.
I plan to explore this side of my poetry, when I'm ready, so thanks for the encouragement.
Raw honesty, I know you like that type of work.
I plan to explore this side of my poetry, when I'm ready, so thanks for the encouragement.
