I Understand

I understand it now.
I understand why he...
Hurt me.
I know what was going through his mind
When his mouth was on my clit
When my mouth was on his dick
It...happened to him too.
He had to tame his lust somehow...
I was his solution.
It gives no justification
It gives no forgiveness
But it gives me a reason
One of millions
That's what I need.
Somehow, I'll cope for a short while
Just until he can tell me himself.

It makes it a little better
To know that he isn't a total monster
That he isn't heartless
Just...
He..he...had reasons...
Just like I have reasons
For cyber-fucking
For feeling the way I do...
But I'm going to be the one
To stop this chain of hurt
And implode on myself
I won't spew the shit of my past
On some poor little innocent child
For my sake.
Its my past.
Its my problem.
Not a kids...
Something he didn't realize.
It wasn't my problem.
It wasn't my past.
But it became it.
It became part of me
the moment he pulled his boxers down
and my underwear.
The moment he touched me
The moment he forced me to touch him
THE MOMENT
I
Lost
My
Innocence...

The moment I became someone I never wanted to be.