Huge mistake

As my eyes shut close there was no more light
felt nothing but the tears that still run down my eyes
couldn't help but to feel scared
why wasn't he here did he even care
never in my life had I hated myself this much
thought  in that moment that my baby I would never get to touch
why am I here wish I could get up and run away
thought that if he really loved me things wouldn't have ended up this way
and thoughts just kept coming up as I faded away
I pray to God to forgive me for the huge mistake I've made
Its over...now its really gone
anesthesia all gone but my heart still numb