Heartbreak interludes and musing in an abandoned love

The breasts lying on the bed are dead;
For first time, Frank Sinatra is sounding so unromantic
Her jet black hair is covering her face but I can see her almond eyes
Then I realize it’s not her; she is long gone; the face is faceless
Her breast’s color is changing into a hypnotic dusking sky
I see a road-map being created on that sky
Following it, I get in this a flying black machine
Who has the front of an elephant & baboon’s butt as back
Reaching destination, I get room 2047
Taking bong-shots & Johnny walker pegs & lighting a joint
I sit on a sofa which resembles a gigantic curvy lips (& its wet)
And the reel starts projecting



REEL - 1
{
She & I are sitting in peter cats beer café, both wearing Ray-Ban
I love the way she puts Classic Milds into her smile
Chungking Express’s jazzy-romantic soundtrack is playing on Bose
Her left hand touch my right cheek; I close my eye
And I see her beautiful slender body turning into a mermaid
There is no water but she can float as if flying
The surrounding is changing into an evening smoky blue rain-forest
No birds, no bats, no animals except pink color deers running in slow motion
I bring the moon closer to us & ask her if she wants to sit there
She says moon is very selfish & abandons her every morning
We walk along the forest; I ask the stars & moon to dance
I open my eyes; she is still with smoke looking at me
She knows I am a day-tripper
I gather all my courage, gulp the beer
And ask her ‘will you marry me?’
}
 

REEL - 2
{
Licking her ears, sweat around her cheeks & necks
I get near her navel; I see it getting bigger n bigger
I jump into it, falls into a red crystal river
Black cats with wings are swimming in river
At a bay, I see her getting fucked by other men
I change my face and join the queue of fuckers
My turn comes; I am with three others
She doesn’t recognize me, has she really forgotten me?
The pimp asks me which part you want to fuck
I say her eyes, cos it’s storeroom of all your never-to-tell-anyone secrets
And I think I know the password; “mycandyfloss”
It was the first poem she ever wrote; a love story
About a girl & large candy floss shaped man at a chocolate store
And how she loves & protects him from being eaten by other girls
I get undressed, converge my body with her eyes
It takes me to another ride
I have, no, I will bring her back
My dear Meo, we will run from this earth
}


REEL - 3
{
She is standing naked in her room, age 15
Her brother, age 21, is masturbating looking at-
Her tiny strawberry breasts & heart-shaped pubic hair
I try to throw a pocket-fit mirror at him but I can’t pick it
I give a blow on his face, my hands gets fragmented in cubical bits
I watch him going to her; he now has 8 hands
Hands changing into axe or tiger paws or dildo or broomstick
It encompasses through her body
She makes a winding-cry which changes into a roar
His brother doesn’t have a penis; instead there is a pencil with lemon on top
He tears apart her butts and kills her vagina with pencil-penis
The same thing start again, this time its his boss then his EXs n then my friends
It goes on and on & I cant do anything to save it
But somewhere inside me feels happy to see her pain
Finally, being fucked by all, she rests in peace.
}


REEL - 4
{
Music was integral part of our life like breath, a 24 hours daily life our music had
We playlisted music for every time & situation; EX. Oasis or Queen for wake-up
Beatles or Lobo for tea, ACDC or Nirvana as bathroom songs, the doors or the who for car, rock during beers, blues& post-rock & old Hindi(70s-90s) during whiskey, Chemical brothers & Norah Jones while stoned, Coldplay post-fight.
Even tried sex by playing different music; all had different effect, try it
I mostly stayed in house, I even earned less
Chinese, steaks, cocktails, Italian, cakes; She was a great cook
She read more novels than me but I watched more movies; similar taste
Our dream: We wanted to stay in Leh for half year & Goa for other half
We popped on weekends & went for hallucinated trips & journeys; anywhere
Like a snow-capped Eiffel tower or flying around WW-II or Woodstock ’69
Or I being she & she being me n fucking me with a dildo in a ferrero rocher shake
We tried all porn & XX movies sex scenes; her favorite- Naked Afternoon
We never shied away from our sexual fantasy; in shower, cupboard, swim pool,        
beer sex, fan sex, garbage sex, mango & fruit sex, -10°c sex, under-table sex
Wash-basin sex, stoned sex; all accompanied by various types of music
But suddenly it was all over cos she left me without a word
}


REEL-5
{
Now, our home, I am sitting alone on a hammock in Veranda; smoke with beer
You look up and you can see mundane sky & bunch of filthy white glitters
I am like this for 4 months
Musing, brooding, dreaming, dreading & drinking
I imagine my life & my children with all my EXs
Would I have been more or less: - fat, bald, desperate, creative and hormonal?
Or what if I could have got stuck with brain tumor, paralysis, simple road accident
Sometime I play guitar or break plates or jog 40 kms or daily burn sofa by lighter
I have become expert masturbator; I take it out in record 13 sec or record 9 hours
Its only thing I control concretely; once I did it 5times non-stop
Daily I count for 3 hours number of couple in car or bike; total avg- 115
Happycouple-22, silent-10, talking- 18, opposite looking- 28, laptop couple- 25
Sometimes she comes in my dream; naked & fucked by faceless man
Her phone off, not at office or her father’s home, Facebook account deleted
She just sends me a letter every week writing “I’m fine. Get over me”
Is she with someone else in Leh? Or became a whore? Or simply writing a novel?
She still a mystery, I couldn’t recall a single event that hints of deserting me
I cut her brother & boss penis; I found our lost rabbit (Che); made candyfloss man
I even learnt cooking spaghetti & Momos & fried noodles & Boston steaks
Moon is coming down, sky becoming red, beer gassed out, cigarettes over, I go out  
I (& Che) wet in rains, close our eyes & expect to see her face in sky when open
}