deepundergroundpoetry.com
I am the One
I am the one who walks with no sound, the one who creeps when not around. I am the one who watches you sleeping in your bed, the one who is looking at your head. I am the one that gives you that feeling, the one watching you with out you seeing. I am the one who you see at night, that walks around and gives you a fright.Who am I? What am I? You want to know, the one who comes for your very soul, who comes and takes you away even though you want to stay. I am Death as you see,and you are the next to BE
Published 18th Nov 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Perhaps because I don't really claim to know exactly what death entails I didn't find the ending as disturbing as I might have when I was in junior high or even high school.
I found it interesting you wrote, "looking at your head", rather then in your head.
I found it interesting you wrote, "looking at your head", rather then in your head.
10th Jan 2013 6:17pm
Thank you.
Is the interest a good thing, or should I take it as you are dissapointed in the word choice?
Again, I'm a fresh writter.. All help is great!
Is the interest a good thing, or should I take it as you are dissapointed in the word choice?
Again, I'm a fresh writter.. All help is great!
10th Jan 2013 10:21pm
Well "looking at the head" suggests more work, ie, there is a surface to penetrated. So if the intent to was to view death as an outsider, it works better. If on other hand you were looking to convey death searching for a spirit or a soul, "in" may make the better choice.
