Muse

How do I even begin?
Is it even possible to
carve such strong feelings
of love onto simple
words on paper?
They say the pen is
mightier than than the sword...
if that is true,
I hope the shedding of
ink brings more understanding
than the shedding of blood.

Once upon a time
I thought we were a fairy tale.
Me, the "damsel in distress"
because somehow trouble always
seemed to find me.
But you were right by my side to
take the pain away.
Things weren't perfect,
some say I was an idiot for
believing anything you told me.
But I guess love is blind right?
The only thing that mattered were
the times we would lay in your bed
and talk until the sun came up.
I would look into your eyes
and believe everything was the
way it was supposed to be.
I guess it's true that I'm
addicted to pain.

When I found out you cheated on me,
my whole world came crashing in.
My muse had betrayed me.
But I couldn't lose you so we pressed on.
My addiction grew stronger.

Deep down I knew you would choose her
over me in the end but
I deceived myself.
I have written so many poems about you...
for you.
Some, you many never even get to read.
I guess you could say I grew stronger,
but again my painful addiction took over.

I never thought I would love again.
I didn't believe in love.
Then I met your friend.
Mistakes were made,
I was in too deep.
I fell in love again,
or so I thought.
So many times I worried I was
trying to replace you,
until I truly fell in love again.
I am an addict.

The pain he caused was so similar,
but yet, somehow worse.
I felt like I was losing you
all over again.
I tried to kill myself.
I have lost my muse.
I have lost myself.

I haven't written anything since,
this is the first.
There is not a day that passes
that I don't think about the
friendship that I lost.
I think that's what I miss the most.
Friend, muse, lover.
One day, I hope our souls cross paths once again.