Dead

I hate it,
I need it,
I do it anyways,
I can't stop myself.

I'm getting worse,
Worse and worse and worse.
It's mine to bear, just another curse,
To the point I can't reverse.

I'll keep on going till I get what I want,
I'll get there if it kills me,
For now I'm just a debutante,
I want to pretty, a disease to the worst degree.

It's my secret, it's my pain,
I tried to stop, now it consumes all,
I won't let all this torment be in vain,
If you knew you'd be appalled.

Do you have any idea,
do you have a fucking clue?
I aim for beauty, aim to Cytherea,
Do you know what this ensues?

Do you understand this self torture?
This self-hatred deep inside?
It's a self hatred all of the world has nurtured,
Maybe if I'm pretty it'll subside.

It feels good to feel so hollow,
I haven't had a thing in days
I can't take another swallow,
Don't worry, it may just be a phase.

I will get to my goal,
I don't care if it kills me,
I have to do this, I need more control,
This is all I need.

Maybe I'm sick,
Maybe I'm ill,
If you understand nothing else, let this stick,
I need this, I need to feel fulfilled.

I have two enemies,
On being my disease,
and the other would be
Anything consumed by me.

I hate it,
Doing this is sadly what I need,
I'll keep on doing it,
Until I reach where I want to be.