Nothingness

Sometimes if feels as if I'm walking on air
Nothing but black darkness below me
Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone
Like I'm the only one in the world
Sometimes I feel like there is no one to protect me
So I have to protect myself
By shutting myself from the world
So I can't be hurt again

Its hard to let people in
Even those close to me
Even though I want to scream it to the world
I also want to bottle it up inside
So no one can see it
So I can feel a sharp pain, not the dull one that has nagged me all these years
This sort of pain is much more tolerant
It is cured much easier
But for some reason I don't want it to go
I want it to fight the dull agony

My heart can't take much more
I don't know if it can take a war
A war might deepen the wound
I'd rather feel the sharp pain of a knife than the numb pain of a bottle of pills
Its so hard to keep living, but then again, its easy.
I have reasons not to die from this acidic pain
And I gain more reasons every day

But I also live with fear
The fear that insanity
and nothing ness will swallow me up
The fear of losing everything
I can't bear it alone