deepundergroundpoetry.com
Our Long Ago Song
A song we sang so long ago
One which has forever remained a favourite
I sing it for you one last time
While reliving the moment in my head.
I say goodbye my friend til we meet again
To sing that song from long ago
Which from now til then will be
Our song that we sang so long ago.
One which has forever remained a favourite
I sing it for you one last time
While reliving the moment in my head.
I say goodbye my friend til we meet again
To sing that song from long ago
Which from now til then will be
Our song that we sang so long ago.
Published 27th Aug 2009
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27th Aug 2009 4:00pm
I like this, phrase repetition is underrated as a poetic device.
I would like to see a version of this with an easier beat though - I think it would work wonderfully as a chant.
"A song we sang so long ago" - 8 syllables with a nice rolling feel. The next line has 12 syllables, which does break the beat somewhat. It would be wonderful to roll into something like "one which we vowed to love forever" - it may be overstating things a little, but artistic license and all that. :) The "forever", though three syllables, can be pronounced easily and quickly enough to suit the timing.
Anyway, nice work!
I would like to see a version of this with an easier beat though - I think it would work wonderfully as a chant.
"A song we sang so long ago" - 8 syllables with a nice rolling feel. The next line has 12 syllables, which does break the beat somewhat. It would be wonderful to roll into something like "one which we vowed to love forever" - it may be overstating things a little, but artistic license and all that. :) The "forever", though three syllables, can be pronounced easily and quickly enough to suit the timing.
Anyway, nice work!
27th Aug 2009 6:38pm
this is amasing (: i wont be able to.. analies as much as your other commenter, im only 13, but your extremely good. do u sell them?
28th Aug 2009 7:32am
thanks no i don't sell my poetry this is the first time i've ever posted any of my writing. but i'll definitely take your comment as a compliment.
28th Aug 2009 12:04pm
You know wat...I dont know wat I m feeling but I m definitely feeling something...a sense of pleasure...after reading this as if I have heard this song that we sang long ago...as if this is the magic of your poetry...as if this song will be overheard from you again...as if the song is pretty much here and there...as if the song has been sung for the first time...as if the song is travelling a long distance...as if the song is carrying us to oblivion...as if the song will never end...
