November Approaches

To let it all go is
to take it all in.
And I don't think I can do that again.
Not now, not with so much on the line.
I lie. I whisper. I say,
"I'm fine."
I've been battling those thoughts again.
It seems my will is caving in.

My dreams, what mysteries to me.
Do they speak lies or prophecy?
Because either way, I pay no mind.
It all blurs into the answers
I can't find.
I've been battling those thoughts again.
It seems my will is caving in.

I no longer beg for winter.
For that is when my will
will splinter.
And the night-rain will drown
what's left of me.
As well as who I
pretend to be.
I've been battling those thoughts again.

The days I just try to survive,
I guess you'd say living,
but I'm simply alive.
And when my heart starts to beat too fast.
I swallow a pill, too late to last.
I've been  battling.

I pray to you, my god, my dearest.
You are the one, the far, the nearest.
You know all the scars that weep.
You know the secrets
I die to keep.
I hope you find a way to understand.
The shaking of my broken hands.
Battling.

Winter will not last forever.
And soon we shall be together.
Until then, I can't take it with me when you go.
So I starve for now,
for sleep evades you when you're alone.

My will is caving in.