Dear Diary,

Nothing ever changes. I will never be one of those people with onthing to care about. There is always something I have to do.  A paper I have to write, a pill I have to take, a song I have to hear. If there is ever a time when I don't have to do something, whether it seem important to others or not,  that will be the time when all my tasks are gone, and all my duties completed. The time when i can finally go to sleep. I'm not even talking about suicide here. I just mean a sleep without nightmares, a sleep without being able to hear the echo of emptiness in my room, in my house, just a sleep that restores me not just keeps me walking around, relativly conscious. That is my final act. One last night of sleep....then I will sleep forever, because then i will be rested enough to know that death is best, rather than the overscheduled frenzy I have chosen for my body, heart and mind. I have always debated my options, but there is never enough time to fully consider them. One more chore to finish, one more tear to shed. No spare time to think. Not right now with so much left to do. One day....one day it will all be ok.