Startled

Unprepared for this surgery,
the excision of memories leaves me buckled against the wall.
 
Naked to my core I feel the vapor arms around me and
let the hot water irrigate the pain to the surface.
 
No medication to treat what's infected,
I turn my head to face the specter of my choices.
 
In phantom sensation from the amputation,  
I see the chest I've leaned into my whole life.
 
Each hair familiar and curves intimately known.
This body and heart have been my only home.
 
There is no one to take my hand through it.
The procedure I accept in a lonely shower.
 
My sobs circle into the drain as your ghost holds me.
While somewhere across town you endure this same appointment.