deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Emporer's Nightingale
Only an emporer
could cage a nightingale
and listen to her sing.
The cage was gilded
gleaming gold and white,
and I flew into your open eyes.
My heart sat perched
upon the spindle of your soul.
I sang for you.
But the nightingale
she always knew,
that no one could keep her forever
Because birds
unlike their mechanical duplicates,
were born to fly.
could cage a nightingale
and listen to her sing.
The cage was gilded
gleaming gold and white,
and I flew into your open eyes.
My heart sat perched
upon the spindle of your soul.
I sang for you.
But the nightingale
she always knew,
that no one could keep her forever
Because birds
unlike their mechanical duplicates,
were born to fly.
Published 15th Aug 2012
| Edited 2nd Sep 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
28th Feb 2013 1:59am
The last three stanzas, from "but the nightingale" to "were born to fly", aren't needed, because they're essentially just the meaning of the poem tacked on to the end of it, creating an anticlimax. Also, you don't need to use "gold" after "gilded" in S2, nor "she" before "always" in S5, though as I don't think that stanza should be there anyway I guess that's a moot point.
Otherwise this is a very moving poem, elegiac and sweet. S1 is tremendous, evoking real and powerful feelings in such a simple way. I also love "flew into your open eyes", which is a unique way of describing sight, and the nicely alliterative "spindle of your soul". The first half of the poem says it all, and on its own is deeply effective. All critique is JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read.
Otherwise this is a very moving poem, elegiac and sweet. S1 is tremendous, evoking real and powerful feelings in such a simple way. I also love "flew into your open eyes", which is a unique way of describing sight, and the nicely alliterative "spindle of your soul". The first half of the poem says it all, and on its own is deeply effective. All critique is JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read.
18th Oct 2014 3:56am
