Drowning

Short, but deep. Full of meaning, enjoyed.

Thanks!  Needs work but the emotion is true.

I think the poetry is wonderfully full, and so if you want to work on the poem try a form exchange.

I'm using this modified linked method that cuts stanzas by language breaks, and so the from is rather predictable but very natural.  Something like:

Drowning

Tread not
the water
of silence
Float
on stone still.  

Not a ripple create
along the icy lake
of commitment
and disappointment
and the lonely ache.

Inattention
carries us
to the center
no raft
or paddle
or rescue.

Without sight
of shore,
we wait
while the water rises

And our breadth
and fate
become choked
by the drowning liquid -
silence and sadness.

Use it if it pleases you....you've got presence and grasp already.