Blood Toll for Contentment

An amazing splendor as seasons change...
but I've laid a blade into my skin.
Another year passes at the speed of light...
and yet again masochism: my friend
I don't know where my story will end...
but right now I crave for pain,
and as my body cries shades of rouge
its apparent I'm acquiring no gain.

I lay it in and cut so deep...
while my dearest are asleep
As they slumber and escape the day,
I think about shit and remain awake
'Its all so vague' I complain,
Its 'yesterdays' bullshit just the same

I just yearn for something that will let me feel...
Just enough for me to remember that life is real
Ive spent too long being numb and cold,
i'll save those days when for when I am old

But as hard as Ive tried to warm my soul...
there's only one road with a blood toll,
Another cut into my flesh...
I know its wrong but it feels the best:)

Judgements cast at an empty girl..
will roll off my back and devour the world.
If this is the cost of feeling the warmth
A few drops of blood I can surely afford