Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day to a man
Who never practiced the pull out method
Who used drunken moments
To express his inner deep feelings.
Like “I should have left my sperm on your mother’s sheets.”
And didn’t even have the audacity to say it to me personally,
But through technology..
Yahoo Email.
And he wonder’s why
I retort responses like
There’s no point of you in my life.
When he constantly reminds me that
He regrets ever given me life
And I can’t understand how he uses a bottle to suffice
A mistake he made 18 years ago.
I didn’t choose to be made from your 23 chromosomes
And fortunately enough,
Your DNA didn’t construct me
Into a miniature you.
Cause the extra 23,
Which helped made me..
Over powered you indefinitely .
I don’t look a damn thing like you.
But, it’s a shame how I’m looking at every man
To prove that he’s not you.
You abandoned me, in my time of need.
And I’m steady looking for apologies,
But, I realize that every time you may have said sorry
Was a conviction from your own conscience
Explaining
Just how sorry of a man you could be.
And my mom tells me, that I should make amends
Don’t want you to die, and I not have closure.
But for the past umpteenth years,
I’ve closed ideas of relating with you
Out of mind.
Memories of you don’t exist
And therefore, figments of you
Are just utter imaginations of what I wish you could be
I wish you could be a father to me, but you’re NOT.
And therefore, you’re dead to me. Already.
I don’t need a casket, to in-house your corpse.
Because, what should be your skin
Is just your carcass.
You ain’t alive.
I don’t need funerals to commence
So, I can say a prayer, hoping you rest in peace.
Cause my whole life, I’ve known you to be living on a bottle.
So, what demons you’re trying to run from
Already has erupted in your cerebellum
Preventing you to rest whatsoever .
And as for a burial?
I’ve already buried you & locked you away
I’ve honored the fact that
You’ve given a donation to give me life
But other than that,
The only other thing you’ve given is me
Your last name
Something, that I’ve went to courthouses to try & change
But said that, maybe one day
God will present a man, who will happily give me his
But, that’s only if
I surpass the
Looking for love in every nigga, cause my daddy didn’t give it syndrome


Daddy, do you realize how many times I’ve looked in the mirror & said, what the hell is wrong with me?
That the first man, who was supposed to love me, abandoned me?
Now, how am I supposed to trust anyone else, if you subliminally taught me, that I wasn’t worthy?
And I don’t know you enough to know if I’m attracting men, who share the same attributes as you.
But with time, I’m realizing that, I’ve unsuccessfully, tried to get back at you.
By trying to find another you.
Trying to find someone who was man enough to stay here with me.
And realizing that, I’ve only magnetized
Just as broken individuals.

And I’m wondering why, I can’t seem to hold it together.
But, it’s because trying to kill you within my mind
Has split me to pieces, like a Horcrux

I got 365 days, times 18 years
Which equate to 6, 570 days without in my life
Which all encompass, a new feeling of disdain for you.
Oh, and
9, 778, 786 minutes worth of fuck you!

Happy Father’s Day John .