deepundergroundpoetry.com
Thoughts
The thoughts in my head
They burn and sear
They tear through my soul
To attack my heart
The thoughts in my head
Burn like the touch of a demon
And when i dont think of them
They run through my head
Tear at my hope rip through my soul
The thoughts in my head
They make me seem crazy
When i scream in rage in pain
Yet they dont know why
These thoughts in my head
They tear me peice from peice
From the inside out
These thoughts in my head
They burn and sear
They tear through my soul
To attack my heart
The thoughts in my head
Burn like the touch of a demon
And when i dont think of them
They run through my head
Tear at my hope rip through my soul
The thoughts in my head
They make me seem crazy
When i scream in rage in pain
Yet they dont know why
These thoughts in my head
They tear me peice from peice
From the inside out
These thoughts in my head
Published 14th Jun 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Jun 2012 2:19am
It's good in the way that it's relatable, and you paint a great picture of the way our thoughts work. However, I saw many cliches, such as talking about demons, and your soul, and so on. Cliches make poems seem less heartfelt even if they are straight from your thoughts. It's something I suggest you work on, but otherwise, it was a good, solid poem. Nice work :)
