Let’s Take Each Other To Hell One Last Time

I’ve always had a way  
with the petrified and scared  
despite the way my body pulses  
aposematic signals  
from the scarred knuckles and hulking frame  
to the frown lines etched into my face  
   
and I wonder if it’s    
because of a sympathetic-nervous-system response  
reminiscent of the times I hid in a closet and read books  
my small boy body discoloured in the hue  
of the beating I took    
adrenaline still pounding through my trembling flesh  
   
or if it was because I didn’t care if I got hurt  
in the process  
that soothes the creature  
I’m trying to calm  
   
but I could always coo and reign in  
even the most terrified  
and right now  
all I wanted was  
for you to look at me  
and understand  
that through the hiatus and the time away    
I had changed  
not like the last time  
or the time before  
   
but I had taken stock and now know  
what truly mattered  
what truly matters  
   
when you collapsed into me  
your head burrowed in the crook of my neck  
I realised you’re predator and prey    
both instincts shuffle below the surface  
and I know you could pull me limb from limb  
or lay supine in submission  
   
and you are raw  
against me    
   
it’s intoxicating    
heart shattering against  
my rib cage    
your scent asks hard questions  

I find the answer

I’m as much animal as human  
and our love language  
was always more physical  
because I’m clumsy and stutter  
   
when your trembling hands  
clasped my face  
and we tasted of the same  
damnation  
I lifted you until you straddled my waist  
your arms over my neck  
we collapse into  
the insanity of  
forgiveness  
each urgent scrambling  
tore away more clothes  
and resolves  
and promises of never again  
until I remembered  
the feel of you  
on me  
of  
me  
in you  
and how you feel across the ocean