Let’s Take Each Other To Hell One Last Time

I’ve always had a way    
with the petrified and scared    
despite the way my body pulses    
aposematic signals    
from the scarred knuckles and hulking frame    
to the frown lines etched into my face    
   
and I wonder if it’s    
because of a sympathetic-nervous-system response    
reminiscent of the times I hid in a closet and read books    
my small boy body discoloured in the hue    
of the beating I took    
adrenaline still pounding through my trembling flesh    
   
or if it was because I didn’t care if I got hurt    
in the process    
that soothes the creature    
I’m trying to calm    
   
but I could always coo and reign in    
even the most terrified    
and right now    
all I wanted was    
for you to look at me    
and understand    
that through the hiatus and the time away    
I had changed    
not like the last time    
or the time before    
   
but I had taken stock and now know    
what truly mattered    
what truly matters    
   
when you collapsed into me    
your head burrowed in the crook of my neck    
I realised you’re predator and prey    
both instincts shuffle below the surface    
and I know you could pull me limb from limb    
or lay supine in submission    
   
and you are raw    
against me    
   
it’s intoxicating    
heart shattering against    
my rib cage    
your scent asks hard questions    
 
I find the answer
 
I’m as much animal as human    
and our love language    
was always more physical    
because I’m clumsy and stutter    
   
when your trembling hands    
clasped my face    
and we tasted of the same    
damnation    
I lifted you until you straddled my waist    
your arms over my neck    
we collapse into    
the insanity of    
forgiveness    
each urgent scrambling    
tore away more clothes    
and resolves    
and promises of never again    
until I remembered    
the feel of you    
on me    
of    
me    
in you    
and how you feel across the ocean