Situation vacant: Muse

Situation vacant.
An opportunity has arisen for someone to assume an auspicious position.
The post of muse to myself has been vacant of late and requires filled.
The tasks of muse are undefinable and intangible but vital to success.
Often underrated by the general populace, your tasks shall be manyfold  and varied.
They shall include, but not be limited to:
Inspiring me to greater deeds.
Consoling me when I feel lost.
Regaling me with tales of joy and pain so that I may know emotion.
 
This position is open to females only and is not bound by discrimination laws.
Preferably candidates should be attractive to themselves as this provides an air of confidence which will come across in my work.
Candidates should also be fairly local to facilitate head to head discussions and liaisons, generally resulting in the consumption of alcohol and debauchery.
 
If you feel you qualify for this position, or if you wish more information, send a message or leave a comment to alert me to your desire.