Guilty bitterness

I'm supposed to be angry with you  
At least that's what everyone says  
Maybe i hold you in a light  
Whilst sulking in the dark  
How can I be angry  
When it was my mistake?  
 
I'm supposed to be angry for me  
Constantly being reminded  
That what you declared was cruel  
But i can't help the pedestal  
That i hold for you in spite  
Of what you said  
 
I make excuses for you  
Create poems and art of you  
Understanding why you spoke  
Those ruthless words of fault  
And accept the blame  
With my whole heart  
 
But if a loved one  
Had came to me  
In their grief  
And repeated  
That statement  
I would ask
What the fuck