Sometimes I wish I never ate

Sometimes I wish I never ate
Food became pleasure
It’s how I rest

Creeping into the kitchen at 3 am - making a crime
Emptying the fridge, pantry staples
Then pretending innocent when I’m called out

I feel so ashamed that my stomach growls
Maybe it’s a habit to want to eat more?
The resilience of a kind had I had
I’m sure, would not help

I swear to have just a bite
But if I start there’s no stopping
Until I’m full to a state where I can’t move my body

I fall asleep with a thought of
What I’m gonna eat tomorrow
And wait till I come home to eat
Sitting in a classroom

The pain and guilt after I binge ate
If only I could to puke it later…