Did I Learn From It? Nope!

Don't be me!

Make the choices you THOUGHT ABOUT.  Don't back out at the last moment!  Don't get scared and quit or give up.  Unless that is what you were thinking about! Don't be me and stick with status quo because...It's all I Knew!

When I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually as a child - I did not speak up. I was scared to get hurt for telling so I remained and was hurt far more...but it was all I knew.

Don't be me!

I waited as a child for my mother to love me.  If I had been removed I would have lost that chance at being loved. She never showed love and died - so it's forever unresolved!  A second reason to stay and be further abused.

Don't be me!

I barely graduated high school but I was accepted to local Community College and could have dormed.  I didn't go and I married escaping my family - to the house across the street.  There was no love.  He was in the closet.  I just wanted out from under my family...literally!  He was abusive to me and his mother.  I planned to leave him. I stayed almost 4 years and had 2 children.  

Don't be me!

I immediately ended up with another man because I thought I couldn't do it on my own.  Thinking back, I worked and supported him and bought his cigarettes, beer and weed. I could have done better without him. I sobered him up and he beat me and put me in the hospital.  He went to jail and I immediately jumped into marriage #3.

Don't be me!

Marriage #3 was everything it should have been but I couldn't relate or understand or trust.  It was like it was a lie and I was pretending to be someone else.  I ended it and hurt us both.

Don't be me!

My mother was an alcoholic.  She did pills and any drugs given to her.  I've done everything except coke and heroin - I didn't learn from what she did.

Don't be me!

Sexually, I am so messed up.  It was anything goes as they abused me.  As long as I have control or initiate it's anything goes, now - no morals here.  I was never taught them.

Don't be me!

I have been in a psychiatric hospital numerous times.  Don't expect normal from me.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!  When I seemingly had normal I TOTALLY FUCKED IT UP!  I DID THAT!  I ended it and breathed a great big sigh of relief before screaming for help.

Don't be me!