Temperaments and Tenderness

My mother told me
I should get a girlfriend
I look at her and said
Stop thinking about things
from the perspective of
me being your son

Look at things objectively
Life isn't really going my way
Why would anyone want to ride with me
When I am going nowhere?
What good are looks
when your finances are right?
What good is it to date
when your dreams seem so far away?
Why would I date when
I know that I am not my types type?

"Yes but it's best to be with
someone before everything works out"

"That's true but I also can't be a burden to anyone else.
It would be one thing if I was taking baby steps
However nothing in my life is going right
You raised a great son
But life isn't so great right now
I wouldn't want to date me if the roles were reversed"

The thing is when she met my father
They were both still young
They didn't need to have everything figured out

Unfortunately I'm an older dog now
I wish I still had the zeal and naivety of days gone by
However logic is all I have left

I wish I could walk down the street one day
Notice a girl walking towards my direction
Nervously give her a look as I notice her do the same
Slow my pride and stop her
Realise this is the best decision ever
We exchange numbers and go about our day
As everything begins to fall into place with time

The thing is though those cards aren't dealt for me
I was never one to chase after women
I was always nice and courteous
I was always the smart guy who missed social cues
I was always happy and smiling
Unbothered by trying to be cool

I loved hard when I got the chance to
And the heartbreak shattered me
It killed a part of my soul

So I walked alone when putting together the pieces
I lost friends, lost love, lost esteem and even lost work.
So really why would I be gung-ho to get back to dating?

Dating has grown so cruel now

I don't mind being the strange one
Because I prioritise getting my shit together

Funny enough I do see myself getting married
It's just I have to meet myself half way
Before even attempting to meet someone else

For today I'll just be a fool in everyones eyes