deepundergroundpoetry.com
How to Hurt
There are many methods of self harm.
So many ways to cure the ache,
With the sharp burning sensation of pain.
Getting into a fight because it felt so good to be hit,
And even better to hit back.
Burning the tips of my fingers until they were dark and hard,
Slicing the skin off the next morning.
Punching myself in the face,
Watching the blood pool just under the surface of my skin.
Isolating myself,
It hurts more when you hurt alone.
Cutting up every bit of skin I could,
Until it’s almost one big scar.
Starving myself for days,
Listening to the sounds of my stomach and watching my ribs poke through my skin.
Tearing at my skin,
My nails leaving thin red stripes up my neck that bloomed with small dots of blood.
Biting,
Sinking my teeth into the meat of my arm until I tasted the metallic tang of blood.
Recklessness,
Walking into traffic and wandering alone because maybe if I was lucky I’d end up dead.
Working myself to exhaustion,
Hours of working out and running while on almost no food and feeling the life slowly leave my body.
Skipping medication,
Not taking antibiotics or painkillers because I would bask in the unbearable sick.
Almost every action was for the purpose of pain,
Pain I didn’t even understand.
While my family had their addictions to:
Alcohol,
Drugs,
Gambling,
Sex.
I had pain.
In fact,
It was all I had.
Published 14th Jun 2024
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6th Aug 2024 6:07pm
