I am no gossiping mammy

I do not like being touched.
I do not particularly like company
I do not like surprise dinners, parties or visitors.
I do not like compromising my life to include someone else's..
I chose never to date.
Or have relationships.  
Or marry
I do not dress up..  
I do not buy lingerie, dresses or frilly panties,
I do not jazz up my vagina, eyebrows or ears,
I am not interested in hair dressers, manicures or hot bubbly baths in the company of scented candles and Peruvian pan pipes.  
I have no interest in hair salons, manicures or gossiping with wifies.  
I do not do mammies little helpers, handcuffs or red roses..  
I do not shit in parcels and send it to charity
I do not drink from waterspouts.
I have never lived in Singapore
I take no drugs.
Nor alcohol.
I do not vomit cream cakes, chips or pizza.
I do not waste my energy.
I do not suck a boy friends bollocks
Nor suck a husbands dick.
I do not bend over the kitchen sink for a husband
I am no fanny licker
I chose never to marry
 I do not have a sloth lifestyle.
I do not shoot my energy out my ass
I do not tolerate babies
Nor their stinking nappies.
I will not tolerate children’s company
Or spoilt brat teenagers.
I do not do parents evenings
School nativity plays.
Nor subservience to any man woman or God.
I do not have baby stretched mammie flaps
Therefore I do not use mammies giant tampons,
Nor do I use mammie pish pads
I am no husband sex toy.
I do not do matrimonial wifies duties.
I do not scrub husbands Y fronts.
I do not push prams,  
Throw nappies out the car window.
I do not do nappies, cracked nipple cream  or milk breast extractor pumps
I do not share, buy or research mammy sex toys
Nor do I waste my money on diet clubs, palates or cherry coated Zumba classes  
I do not do veggies, birds, animals  limp wrists or slap heads for that matter.
I do not dine on hubbies tadpoles
I do not do hand jobs, porno or vomit inspiring romance.
I do fanny bling, hairy muffs nor does me belly flop over me mammy thighs.
I do not have prolapsed sexual organs from child birth.
Nor vaginal rips.  
Or mammy muff yeast problems from excess labia.
I do not masturbate into tissues, vacuum cleaners or  apple pies.
I do not do lingerie, fluffy hand cuffs or candy panties
I am afraid I am not learned in mammies sex toys, behaviors or techniques
I do not have a postnatal muff that resembles a road killed badger
I do not lick the center page of a vehicle specification manuals, y front catalogs or porno magazines
I do not do trout pouts, vagina nip and tucks or pencil slug eyebrows.
I do not do ice cream, chocolate eclairs, clotted cream tea scones or take outs.
I do not smoke,
I do not drink.
I do not do strippers, whores or  gyrate myself  on greased dancing poles.
Nor do I need to grease my front door before attempting to squeeze my mammy lard arse into it.
Sniff glue
Get high on helium    
I do not act out rape, abuse or violent scenes with a boyfriend, husband, first cousin et al
I will not insert my finger up a husbands arsehole,
Nor a dilating ladies hole
I do not do sexually explicit photos, facts, fiction nor films
I do not do white weddings, chocca mokka wedding cakes or bridal tantrums.
I am no husbands fuck bag.
I will not suck cock for my handbags, an SUV or supermarket flowers
Bend over for hubby in return for a box of chocolates.
Designer shoes
Or a ladies golf club membership
I do not do mammy diet clubs, mammie gossip or mammie cracked nips.
I do not entertain gym show ponies, my little pony club or giggly gusset girlies.
I do not bow to vanity.
I do not miss use any medication.
I do not misuse food.
I do not stand to be accused by women who  are and do.
I do not abide lazy sofa mammies, girlies or wifies born to breed.

What I do is very simple.
I eat very well.
I train very hard.
I research trails. maps and pathways.
High lands, low lands and the in-between.
I walk, climb, run and cycle.

And that is why I can outpace the majority of you f*cking small town girly, wifie and mammy gossips.