deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Openings
Just another face on Anna's pillow;
I turn the other way,
close my eyes
and freely open.
I'm walking with the wilderbeast
easily avoiding the lions,
they're just not wise enough
but their teeth and eyes get me running
every time they leap closer
their gigantic paws thud and echo,
each thud manifests not as a thud, then
(I hone my ears on the thud)
I'm stunned, as I hear something vocal:
help help help help helphell
then its paws are upon me
claws sink through my skin,
muscle and tendons,
restricting
tightening my body, then
retract
Anna moans and rolls over;
her arm touches my back accidentally,
she must of dreamt of another body.
I shut the pale light of night out
and welcome what waits.
there's someone watching me,
her hair black and fluid, drowning
the atmosphere 'til all I see is her
features are blurring and sharpening
almost, but not quite, two different women
I'm astounded by her captivating eyes
she draws me in like an orbitless moon
I have no control and find myself
intoxicated by fear, curiosity and love?
The dog whines gently beside me,
troubles of his own in the openings no doubt.
I tighten my douvet around me,
adopt the fetal position, and slip.
there's a mountain ahead, and under me
thick with snow and stealing my feet,
but I'm not cold, or warm
I'm not feeling anything
though the stormy winds tell me
I won't last long
My feet become lost, taken by snow,
then the snow grows upwards and over
my panting, panicked chest, then
I launch from the snow's steel grip
and towards the snow-filled clouds
I look down, the mountain is but a scratch
on a very small, frozen world
I awake to the annoyance of the morning Sun
that strips me of my episodes.
I remember every electrifying moment,
but one more vibrant than the others;
one refuses to walk away.
Anna wakes, fiddles my skin.
More than just the Sun has risen this morning.
I climb inside her, distorted from the night.
As I reach the end she screams and I shudder
as I see her face blurring, then sharpening.
I turn the other way,
close my eyes
and freely open.
I'm walking with the wilderbeast
easily avoiding the lions,
they're just not wise enough
but their teeth and eyes get me running
every time they leap closer
their gigantic paws thud and echo,
each thud manifests not as a thud, then
(I hone my ears on the thud)
I'm stunned, as I hear something vocal:
help help help help helphell
then its paws are upon me
claws sink through my skin,
muscle and tendons,
restricting
tightening my body, then
retract
Anna moans and rolls over;
her arm touches my back accidentally,
she must of dreamt of another body.
I shut the pale light of night out
and welcome what waits.
there's someone watching me,
her hair black and fluid, drowning
the atmosphere 'til all I see is her
features are blurring and sharpening
almost, but not quite, two different women
I'm astounded by her captivating eyes
she draws me in like an orbitless moon
I have no control and find myself
intoxicated by fear, curiosity and love?
The dog whines gently beside me,
troubles of his own in the openings no doubt.
I tighten my douvet around me,
adopt the fetal position, and slip.
there's a mountain ahead, and under me
thick with snow and stealing my feet,
but I'm not cold, or warm
I'm not feeling anything
though the stormy winds tell me
I won't last long
My feet become lost, taken by snow,
then the snow grows upwards and over
my panting, panicked chest, then
I launch from the snow's steel grip
and towards the snow-filled clouds
I look down, the mountain is but a scratch
on a very small, frozen world
I awake to the annoyance of the morning Sun
that strips me of my episodes.
I remember every electrifying moment,
but one more vibrant than the others;
one refuses to walk away.
Anna wakes, fiddles my skin.
More than just the Sun has risen this morning.
I climb inside her, distorted from the night.
As I reach the end she screams and I shudder
as I see her face blurring, then sharpening.
Published 5th May 2012
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5th May 2012 10:24pm
my favourite, most catching transition was this one:
"The dog whines gently beside me,
troubles of his own in the openings no doubt.
I tighten my douvet around me,
adopt the fetal position, and slip."
and favourite sequence piece:
"then its paws are upon me
claws sink through my skin,
muscle and tendons,
restricting
tightening my body, then
retract" - you did really well invoking the senses being in the moment
and i didn't expect the ending either, but it was lovely, especially after the narrator's contact with her throughout the night. interesting and visual write, Mr A. thanks for the read [:
"The dog whines gently beside me,
troubles of his own in the openings no doubt.
I tighten my douvet around me,
adopt the fetal position, and slip."
and favourite sequence piece:
"then its paws are upon me
claws sink through my skin,
muscle and tendons,
restricting
tightening my body, then
retract" - you did really well invoking the senses being in the moment
and i didn't expect the ending either, but it was lovely, especially after the narrator's contact with her throughout the night. interesting and visual write, Mr A. thanks for the read [:
6th May 2012 7:39am
Why thank you Miss Jesta!
Didn't think anyone would connect with it but I'm really glad you did.
The twist at the end was a spontaneous decision and not planned, I liked it better that way.
Once again, thank you. :)
Didn't think anyone would connect with it but I'm really glad you did.
The twist at the end was a spontaneous decision and not planned, I liked it better that way.
Once again, thank you. :)
13th May 2012 5:36pm
I think the fact that you use the name Anna, instead of just using an impersonal 'she' allows a reader to get much closer to her.
I really like the title - it makes me think of being in a forest, and suddenly you'll get these spaces without trees where the light comes through and you can see the sky. Kind of makes me think also of the idea of sleep bringing a sort of escape...you slip through the cracks in waking reality.
The shifts you make between waking and dreaming bring about this confusion which I think is really heightened at the end by 'her face, blurring, then sharpening', and what really stuck with me was how that scream she makes adds this sense of fear to the mix. And that it ends on that crescendo, instead of gently bringing a reader down to an ending along the lines of 'well, thank god it was all just a dream' is really powerful.
I really like the title - it makes me think of being in a forest, and suddenly you'll get these spaces without trees where the light comes through and you can see the sky. Kind of makes me think also of the idea of sleep bringing a sort of escape...you slip through the cracks in waking reality.
The shifts you make between waking and dreaming bring about this confusion which I think is really heightened at the end by 'her face, blurring, then sharpening', and what really stuck with me was how that scream she makes adds this sense of fear to the mix. And that it ends on that crescendo, instead of gently bringing a reader down to an ending along the lines of 'well, thank god it was all just a dream' is really powerful.
13th May 2012 9:34pm
It was the first random name that came to my head, bored of using 'she' and other similar, impersonal references.
Not sure about an opening being an escape in this instance, but the dreams were enjoyed so I see what you mean. For me personally, dreams are an escape.
Always prefer a dramatic ending, mostly the end is the most important part of a poem.
Thanks for reading and your praises, Merda.
Not sure about an opening being an escape in this instance, but the dreams were enjoyed so I see what you mean. For me personally, dreams are an escape.
Always prefer a dramatic ending, mostly the end is the most important part of a poem.
Thanks for reading and your praises, Merda.
