Self Sabotaging

Yes, is always her no she is back to front in all her ways. Hurt to many times with the obstacle course of love. She can’t jump high enough or be small enough to duck under the fence to meet you at the gate. Opening it always feels like it’s going to be another mistake although she hasn’t even stepped one foot in effort or belief. She just stands while everyone else has completed the challenge and on their way.

No will make nobody stay and it is a defence mechanism fought back in the day when she was torn to pieces a bit of her here and there and she never found the strength and screws to fuse and bypass the pain. Trust broken is a token worn like a badge of shame and mistrust becomes your medal that she lives by. It is a talisman in reverse, and she now believes in only the worst.

She has paid extra charges for being this way, but it feels safe to pay the dues which she anticipates. She has so much baggage for not investing in the right feelings and bonds. She has become a self saboteur ready to pull the pin on the grenade before they reach for their gun. She is ready armed and crucified at the same time because once she gave everything in trust and it blew her up and she had no heads up.

Now she is in the special forces of self sabotage, and she has been everywhere and nowhere as she’s always looking for the land mine and not aware she can take a detour with mitigation. Acceptance that not all are armed and dangerous and trust can be won by her and not playing Russian roulette . How many chances do you get ?.