empty girl

My mother always said it was okay to say stop.
My father always said i better say stop.
But when i found him i never thought id have to say stop.
He never pushed me, he hugged me tenderly, he never gave me a reason to say stop.
then the night came, our six month anniversary.
he wanted to go all the way and i said i wouldn't.
So he pushed me on the bed, stop.
he pulled off my shirt and i heard it rip, stop.
next came off my pants,and his, stop.
my head was spinning and my heart was racing, stop.
a scream escaped me and he clamped a hand down over my mouth, stop.
the the world went black.
the next thing i knew i was awake and hes lying beside me sleeping.
my mother always said it was okay to say stop.
my father always said i better say stop.
but he never listened when i said
stop, you're hurting me, i dont want this, please dont, i dont want this, I'm begging you,ill tell!
but when a word is said too much it loses its meaning
why should i ever say stop when it doesn't matter
no is not an answer.
They say I'm too young to be so empty but it doesn't matter.
every time i see a man who even resembles him
I begin to relive that night
My head spins, my heart races and my stomach churns
STOP!
But why even say it when it doesn't matter, they never will.