deepundergroundpoetry.com
YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
A light has shone inside my heart.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me a sight
I love to see that it exists.
It makes me think about the source
and feel so glad it's from the Lord.
His worth is high in my poor core
as He's become my only hope.
I've found Jesus in daily life
in those who suffer and keep quiet.
Despite all that they show their smile
lest those they love will be disturbed.
He's changed the earth's old attire
and dressed it with what is divine.
He's made His heaven start from here
to make us soothed with endless bliss.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
________________________________
A light has shone inside my heart.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me a sight
I love to see that it exists.
It makes me think about the source
and feel so glad it's from the Lord.
His worth is high in my poor core
as He's become my only hope.
I've found Jesus in daily life
in those who suffer and keep quiet.
Despite all that they show their smile
lest those they love will be disturbed.
He's changed the earth's old attire
and dressed it with what is divine.
He's made His heaven start from here
to make us soothed with endless bliss.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
________________________________
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 15
reads 262
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
I trust you meant to say "A light's been lit inside my heart". The syntax of "A light has lit inside my heart." makes light the subject of the verb "lit" and requires, to be grammatically correct, that you say what it is that light has ignited.
And look at the limited and repetitious vocabulary in your first stanza
loved it ...it
it
love ... it.
it ...it
Then there's this:
"It makes me think about the source"
Presumably, you meant to say that the light you know that has been lit in your heart makes you think (or wonder) about who or what caused it to be lit or what the source of the light is. But this is not stated. Nor is it implied. In other words, for your line to be coherent, you need to write ""It makes me think about its source".
And look at the limited and repetitious vocabulary in your first stanza
loved it ...it
it
love ... it.
it ...it
Then there's this:
"It makes me think about the source"
Presumably, you meant to say that the light you know that has been lit in your heart makes you think (or wonder) about who or what caused it to be lit or what the source of the light is. But this is not stated. Nor is it implied. In other words, for your line to be coherent, you need to write ""It makes me think about its source".
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
17th Mar 2024 9:42am
Very dear Baldwin,
Thank you very much for your very valuable remarks. J.Z.
Thank you very much for your very valuable remarks. J.Z.
Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
A change of one word in the first line of your first stanza does nothing to change the fact that the rest of it is set out using overly repeated words and lacks any kind of beautiful language.
Moreover, how does the fact that there is a light inside your heart need proof of "its" existence? If your claim is true, then it's self-evident that it exists where you say it does.
Perhaps what you meant to say in the light of your title of this piece was
A light has shone inside my heart.
it comes from Jesus up above.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me the proof
I need to know that I am loved.
Moreover, how does the fact that there is a light inside your heart need proof of "its" existence? If your claim is true, then it's self-evident that it exists where you say it does.
Perhaps what you meant to say in the light of your title of this piece was
A light has shone inside my heart.
it comes from Jesus up above.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me the proof
I need to know that I am loved.
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
You say that Jesus has become
your only hope.
But you don’t specify
just what the aspiration is
that he’s your anchor for.
And so you leave
your readers wanting more from you
to know just why it is
you make the (rather fawning) claims
about the disembodied Nazarene
that you are wont to do,
and hard in need to see
if they indeed
have any reason to believe
the claims you make
are true.
They cannot give your note
a "yes" or a straight "nope"
if they have no idea of
what constitutes your hope.
In other words,
you need to designate
just what your hope is for
(e.g. a life beyond the grave?)
if you’re to save
your line from its vacuity
and rescue it from how
its sense is now obscure
and not first-rate.
your only hope.
But you don’t specify
just what the aspiration is
that he’s your anchor for.
And so you leave
your readers wanting more from you
to know just why it is
you make the (rather fawning) claims
about the disembodied Nazarene
that you are wont to do,
and hard in need to see
if they indeed
have any reason to believe
the claims you make
are true.
They cannot give your note
a "yes" or a straight "nope"
if they have no idea of
what constitutes your hope.
In other words,
you need to designate
just what your hope is for
(e.g. a life beyond the grave?)
if you’re to save
your line from its vacuity
and rescue it from how
its sense is now obscure
and not first-rate.
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
19th Mar 2024 8:15pm
Re: Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
"Hey Joseph. Very rich vocabulary!"
I wonder if you'd do me the kindness not only of telling me what you mean by "rich vocabulary" but of pointing out exactly which of the lines in this stanza display it and how the words within them fit your understanding of a vocabulary that is "rich".
"A light has shone inside my heart.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me a sight
I love to see that it exists."
and in each of the ones that follow it.
I wonder if you'd do me the kindness not only of telling me what you mean by "rich vocabulary" but of pointing out exactly which of the lines in this stanza display it and how the words within them fit your understanding of a vocabulary that is "rich".
"A light has shone inside my heart.
I've loved it much and knelt to it
as it has given me a sight
I love to see that it exists."
and in each of the ones that follow it.
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
23rd Mar 2024 7:37pm
Very dear Aaron,
Thank you very much for your read and comment. I couldn't answer you earlier because my site on DUP was cut off. They told me that my site was not private, and it was exposed to hackers. J.Z.
Thank you very much for your read and comment. I couldn't answer you earlier because my site on DUP was cut off. They told me that my site was not private, and it was exposed to hackers. J.Z.
Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
Very dear Baldwin,
Who told you that poetry is just richness in vocabulary. I wish you could write something as rich in thoughts as l do so that l can enrich my thoughts about life through reading your poetry and thanking you.J.Z.
Who told you that poetry is just richness in vocabulary. I wish you could write something as rich in thoughts as l do so that l can enrich my thoughts about life through reading your poetry and thanking you.J.Z.
Re: Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
"Who told you that poetry is just richness in vocabulary [SIC ?].
No one told me that. And anyone who says that poetry is JUST richness in vocabulary is wrong.
And I never said that poetry was JUST richness in vocabulary. But verse that does not show richness in the vocabulary used within it is more often than not very dull and rarely evocative or worth remembering.
In any case, the issue here is the truth of the claim made by AaronBraveHeart (Boyana Popova) that your piece above displays "rich vocabulary", not what poetry is.
No one told me that. And anyone who says that poetry is JUST richness in vocabulary is wrong.
And I never said that poetry was JUST richness in vocabulary. But verse that does not show richness in the vocabulary used within it is more often than not very dull and rarely evocative or worth remembering.
In any case, the issue here is the truth of the claim made by AaronBraveHeart (Boyana Popova) that your piece above displays "rich vocabulary", not what poetry is.
0

Re: Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
"I wish you could write something as rich in thoughts as l do"
Did you mean to say "as rich WITH thoughts as my submissions are"?
https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/140323/rich-in-vs-rich-with
Perhaps you'll point me to the particular "thoughts" that you think your submissions are "rich " with so that I can have concrete examples of the thoughts you are asking me to display in my submissions.
And perhaps you'll also give me your opinion on the truth of the claim that if "thoughts" of any kind are not "richly worded" (let alone are counterfactual, grammar gaffed ill-informed, historically off base, or nonsensical)) when expressed, they lack the power to enrich anyone's understanding of life.
Cut the reply that focuses only on whether "rich with" is correct and does not point me to he particular "thoughts" that JZ claims his submissions are "rich " with or that speaks to whether it's true that if "thoughts" of any kind are not "richly worded" (let alone are counterfactual, grammar gaffed ill-informed, historically off base, or nonsensical)) when expressed, they lack the power to enrich anyone's understanding of life.
Did you mean to say "as rich WITH thoughts as my submissions are"?
https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/140323/rich-in-vs-rich-with
Perhaps you'll point me to the particular "thoughts" that you think your submissions are "rich " with so that I can have concrete examples of the thoughts you are asking me to display in my submissions.
And perhaps you'll also give me your opinion on the truth of the claim that if "thoughts" of any kind are not "richly worded" (let alone are counterfactual, grammar gaffed ill-informed, historically off base, or nonsensical)) when expressed, they lack the power to enrich anyone's understanding of life.
Cut the reply that focuses only on whether "rich with" is correct and does not point me to he particular "thoughts" that JZ claims his submissions are "rich " with or that speaks to whether it's true that if "thoughts" of any kind are not "richly worded" (let alone are counterfactual, grammar gaffed ill-informed, historically off base, or nonsensical)) when expressed, they lack the power to enrich anyone's understanding of life.
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
" I wish you could write something as rich in thoughts as l do [sic] so that l can enrich my thoughts about life "
Please tell me how my writing something that has within it an abundance of my thoughts about things will enrich your thoughts about life.
How does this series of thoughts:-- which is something I've written
I like ice cream
my cat is growing old
I never can have enough books
my socks need washing
it's cold today
coffee smells good
Luke 22:44 does not say Jesus seated blood
I need more sleep
Easter is near
I hate nosebleeds
age sucks
My motorcycle is getting old
I don't like to ride in the rain
I miss England
my heart hurts
enrich your thoughts about life?
Please tell me how my writing something that has within it an abundance of my thoughts about things will enrich your thoughts about life.
How does this series of thoughts:-- which is something I've written
I like ice cream
my cat is growing old
I never can have enough books
my socks need washing
it's cold today
coffee smells good
Luke 22:44 does not say Jesus seated blood
I need more sleep
Easter is near
I hate nosebleeds
age sucks
My motorcycle is getting old
I don't like to ride in the rain
I miss England
my heart hurts
enrich your thoughts about life?
0

Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
13th Jun 2024 4:38pm
Re: Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
19th Jun 2024 3:57pm
Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
2nd Aug 2024 7:46am
Dear Boyana,
I am still with you, but there is something wrong with my message acceptance.J.Z.
I am still with you, but there is something wrong with my message acceptance.J.Z.
Re: Re. YOU'RE MY HOPE AND LOVE.
6th Oct 2024 4:54pm
Will you write a new poem soon? I am expecting with great joy your new entries!
0
