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The Disease

Depression can be spread to you
Iíll tell you what I mean
Itís something thatís inside of you
There nestled deep within

Invading all your thoughts
And playing havoc on your brain
Your heart is filled with darkness
Your emotions soaked in pain

The illness spreads through your veins
Your whole body now consumed
Iíve seen it happen once
And the poor girl started to use

I never will forget the day
I met miss Lina Rose
The day she started therapy
We wore the same dark clothes

Lina didnít talk too much
At least not the first day
Her mother spoke of her dark notes
Her desire to go away

Lina was a teen and a late bloomer
Scrawny build
She gripped her bag with book in hand
A notebook half way filled

Her mother had high hopes for her
She swore that this would help
Sheís tried it all, holes fill the hall
From rage and manic spells

Lina didnít disagree
Nor challenge what was said
She solely nodded
Then I started
To hear what wasnít said

She didnít hate her mother
She did fairly well in school
She had no friends, no siblings
And she never broke a rule

Her father died just recently
Itís barely been a year
Around the time that Lina changed
When brightness disappeared

The session ended awkwardly
As that was all they said
Not how or why or where
Just the fact that he was dead

I had so many questions
But I noticed then a sign
Her mother glared, such a quick stare
Lina stared down and sighed

After they left, I looked over
All the notes Iíd written down
All were made by her mother
Lina never made a sound

The next session I asked
If I could talk to her alone
Her mother, Grace, did hesitate
But left her on her own

Lina walked in cautiously
Then she chose to sit across me
She gripped the book close to her chest
And whispered answers softly

Her answers were one worded
She didnít dare elaborate
I barely heard a yes or no
The answers never straight

Our hour it had come and gone
The timer broke the spell
The silence that had filled our time
The fact is sheís not well

Sheíd meet my eyes sporadically
As if she would combust
As if I could look deep enough
And see her inner thoughts

From then on I saw her alone
Grace waited in the lobby
This time I asked more questions
And found out we shared a hobby

Lina liked to write on her spare time
Itís all she did
The only thing that comforted her
Ever since she was a kid

I asked her of her writings
She was eager to divulge
She spoke of cats and rainbows
All her color coded words

I asked her of her father
She looked around so frightened
She met my eyes, to my surprise
Theyíre empty, dark, despondent

Her bottom lip it quivered
And a tear escaped her eye
She told me she was daddyís girl
Up until the day he died

Her father was a rock star once
When young, I had his poster
He was mature when she was born
And Grace, he had divorced her

Lina, from a broken home
Stayed mainly with her daddy
Two holidays, hip hip hooray
But mom was never happy

Lina didnít know why they divorced
She never asked
She knew her mom did something wrong
Itís what caused her dad to pass

Her dad left her a letter
A special note thatís just for her
He blamed her mom, in all his songs
She caused his pain and more

He paid for all her luxuries
Grace lived a lavish life
It was from all the lawsuits
And he paid, he wouldnít fight

In the end he left her everything
His baby Lina Rose
He left her more
Than anyone knows
Private songs with all the prose

He left priceless mementos
Guitars and all his clothes
Drawings and exotic art
Gave her everything heíd owned

She started to enjoy visits
Each session we delved deeper
He had to know, her house now home
He sent her to the reaper

Lina was still processing
He loved her very much
She didnít understand the way he left
The loss was so abrupt

His suicide, the way he died
Alone in a hotel
Prescription pills, a bottle spilled
Confessions of his hell

Sheíd read through all his notes
His leather journals, filled with tears
As if they both had cried
At the same time
The writing smeared

The more time passed
We built a bond
And Grace had never pressed
She knew Lina needed someone
To her Lina was stress

The short time they were married
Grace had scandal after scandal
And dad so sad, just looked away
Grace was too much to handle

He never did get over her
Divorce was imminent
He had to tour, she wanted more
So much of it she spent

Lina held resentment
Towards her mom, the lack of love
She wanted to be with her dad
Not quite sure where he was

She hoped there was a heaven
She knew that heíd get in
She hoped he watched out for her
Hating mommy now her sin

She never told a thing to Grace
The secrets and the songs
Grace mustíve know, she was his muse
Mustíve known all along

Our last session had ended
With a hug and see you soon
Grace by now was in the car
Her driver waited too

The session seemed so normal
She was alert these past few weeks
I never realized the lies
The secret Lina keeps

That weekend a detective
Left a card out by my door
Iíd just come from the mall
I dropped the bags down on the floor

Lina was found earlier
That day in bed half naked
She overdosed on lines of coke
Her heart it couldnít take it

Their maid had found her far too late
Her body stiff and cold
Her bedroom fully scattered
With the books, stories dad told

Upon her stomach lay a book
The page a dedication
It mentioned several memories
With pictures he had taken

The book was of her life, as she grew up
He wrote a memoir
The blessing that she was to him
How she had got him this far

The last page was a goodbye
An Iím sorry, a forgive me
Begging her to live her life
To be kind and love freely

I put away her folders and her files
The moment somber
I really had high hopes for her
She shouldíve lived much longer

Months they had gone by
Then a familiar name came through
I opened up my calendar
And this is what I knew

Grace had been admitted
Not by choice to the psych ward
Sheíd been there for a month
Major depression was a source

They found her sitting by the road
On the overpass just staring
They thought that she would jump
But she just sat there looking daring

They grabbed her and they hauled her off
And pumped her up with meds
With more strange pills, emotions spilled
She got lost in her head

I called back the referral
Just to learn a little more
These past few months she pulled more stunts
Like jumping out the door

Her driver had pulled over
Just in time so she survived
She promised to do better
But her heart wanted to die

The notes from the facility
Listed suicidal ideation
This was so out of character
The name could be mistaken

The person on the other end
Confirmed itís Linaís mom
She mentioned of her daughterís death
Her husband once sang songs

I had to decline taking her
Too much that I had known
I was her daughterís therapist
I had to let her go

I wished for her to be well
But sheíll never be the same
Karma had come into play
And made her go insane

Sheíd lived with the regrets
The many mistakes she had made
And this is how life paid her back
By gifting her with pain

Depression went from daddy
Then to Lina, then to Grace
Depression can spread easily
Itís pain that gets displaced

Written by Diaryofabasketcase (Silvia Rosario)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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