battling nothingness

 
he thinks it was easy...leaving
believes severing the tethers binding...
...was a simple cut
that I was unaffected
while he swears his undying love
repeatedly tells me he misses me
and my silence must mean I wasn't as invested
truth is...
every day I fight the urge to pick up the phone
beg him to reknot the bonds
cover the fading rope burns with new ones
lock me back in my box
weeping mute tears just to hear his voice
swallowing salt the way I have been...
has burnt acid trails down my throat
pooling in the hollow between my ribs
I feel myself treading care{ful}lessly
and I choke on the need to feel his fists
...wrapped in my hair
holding me unyielding against him
if it weren't for my surprising self-preservation...
...I'd already be there
kneeling at his feet
taking what he once gave me
before the shift in us turned toxic
but I fear it's too late for those days
nothing was simple about my walking
but it was us...or me
one or the other was destined to fail
so I bite back the words
fight hard against the urge
to throw myself back into the fire
and give myself over to what I'd eventually become...
...nothing