(6) No Right Way (02.19.22 @ 12:22am)

Life has its price to be free.
I sleep knowing nobody can stand me.
I ride by lonesome on these cold ass streets.
Cops lurking near me, rolling deep.

There’s days, I fear for my life.
Catching cases left and right.
Ripping bongs by day, pill poppin’ by night.
It’s been years since I’ve seen light.

Certain days I fight to leave my door.
Addiction’s overwhelming, I’m tweaking on my floor.
These spirits within keep demanding for more.
I got enough stories to open up a bookstore.

Memories linger from my latest suicide attempt.
Hard to believe I really said, “Fuck it, I’ll end it!”
Being chased by the cops that night just wasn’t it.
I had a colorful soul before I became an addict.

I’d chill with my homies, bumping bangers.
Fucking around with ‘em, robbing strangers.
Homeboys cruising in the whip through the suburbs
Drinking & druggin’ till our speech got slurred.

I remember we’d get down every which way.
I remember all of us getting locked up that day.
I pleaded the fifth & they took me away.
Isolated behind bars, I had nothing to say.

These days, I choose to ride solo.
My desire for drugs continues to grow.
I get so high you’ll think I’m mentally slow.
One look into my eyes & you’ll already know.

I’ve been poppin’ xannies.
Nodding off with yo’ granny.
Never pop one ‘cause I need like one two three.
Yeah I need help but who’s going to help me?

Nobody will, let alone myself.
I fear sobriety, withdrawals never ends well.
I’m drinking & tooting as I dwell.
Sometimes I think I’m better off in hell.

I feel like my life just ain’t worth living it.
Running red lights ‘cause I’m dangerously lit.
I’m swerving on this motherfucking road.
My mental state roams in airplane mode.

Meanwhile my vision is getting blurry.
I tell my momma not to worry.
I’ll make it back home to tell my story.
I’m cruising Beverly Hills, admiring the glory.

Financially, I’m staying consistent.
No cap, my drugs are getting more expensive.
My aggression is becoming repetitive.
Test me for drugs & I’ll come out negative.

Nevertheless, I tend to stay positive.
I’m off the clock, reaching for a sedative.
I gave into the craving, I find it seductive.
Sobriety is a pointless battle, it’s reluctant.

My family can’t stand to look at my face.
Hollywood forever would’ve been better than this place.
I guess you can say I’m somewhat suicidal.
Lonely as fuck, ion even got rivals.