rebound baby

 

I have a history of moving on with the next best thing
always thought it made the losing less painful...
...not true
just seems to lead to a different kind of ache
another goodby
at a later date
channeling all of me into a new him
gift wrapping my essence & handing it over like a simple present
a box of chocolates
or a withering bouquet of flowers 
{fitting that...as soon as they're cut..
...they're as good as dead}
it isn't that I'm afraid to be alone
it's just that I know...
...I have a lot of love to give
so I pour myself into them
mold myself into their ideal
...and lose myself in the process
never setting boundaries because they felt unnatural...
...selfish
so they receive endlessly while meeting only a few of my needs
not their fault if I didn't say anything
until one day my love is no longer enough
and we both know it's time to let go
I learn just a scant bit about me...
...and then throw myself heedlessly back into the muck
expecting this time I'll have better luck
but where's the pause
the stop & take time to really mend
give myself a chance to truly understand...
before I try it again
I mean...what the fuck...
I take a season to deep clean my house
where's the same courtesy for my heart
she's a true beauty & I show so little gratitude
so this time...
...the rebound baby I pour myself into....
...is gonna be me