A Letter—A War between the Mind and Heart

A Letter—A War between the Mind and Heart

     To free my mind of thoughts of loosing you is somewhat a challenge.  It is a constant battle between my heart and mind.  A game of tug of war over the love I have for you.  It is very rarely that the two, my mind and heart, work together at trying to get the one thing they both may have in common, that is you.  My mind echo thoughts of wanting to be with you.  It replays in my head the pleasures of being with you- kissing, touching, and making love to you are some of the many thoughts.  My mind acts as if demons are whispering the pleasures of love.  My mind is at a melt down, overloading with so many emotions that it is driving me insane.  My heart is the nuclei for the love I have in my soul.  It pumps the feelings of wanting to hold and caress you.  My heart is the reason for me truly wanting to dedicate my life to you.  It is overflowing with the feelings I express to you everyday.  My heart makes me hurt the way I do for you.  It hunts my soul with the passion and desires of true love.  Loving walks in the park, picnics under the great big oak tree with our initials carve deeply with in trunk for all to see.  I rest my head upon your breast like a child that is being comforted by his mother, the thoughts of rubbing your body with hot oils and the many nights of bathing one another.  My heart is raging war against my mind, and my body and suffering badly from it.  My body feels the aches of pain that can only be cured by you.  My mind and heart are inflicting wounds that hurt, mostly at night when you are not around.  This state of mind leaves me in tears over you.  My eyes are swollen with pain because I cried until I could not.  I used to have this thing called prided.  When love threatens the heart, pride is forgotten.  My pride has been wiped from my memories.  Humiliation is a feeling that has become a part of me.  There is nothing I would do or say that would make me feel silly.  All I know is that I have to have you.  
     In this battle I am better off woke than sleep, because I am tortured by the way love would truly be between you and me.  My dreams send my heart and mind into overload bringing me a little closer to insanity.  I would not mine sleeping but there is one dreaded nightmare that I can not bare.  Sooner or later, I would have to wake up to an empty bed, a wounded heart and a lonely feeling.  The nightmare is reality, which makes it so painful to wake up.  I am scared one day that I may wake up to an empty jar of memories we never had.  I am frightened that I will wake up to a world that you do not exist in.  A world you are not apart of.  That is a scary feeling for my mind and heart and soul to face.  Loving you is not so easy to do, in fact it is the hardest thing I ever tried to do.  I am really fighting a war with my mind and heart.  Loving you feel so good because I never had anything like you before.  I am addicted to your love.  I guest you wonder how, with all the problems I have uttered.  I do not know why, I just do.  Sometimes I feel as if the pain I experience in all my relationships put together never will match up to the pain in my heart right now, but my love for you far exceeds the pain I feel over you, a very strange thing to me to experience.  I do not know what to do with myself.  I love you as if you were the only female that existed. You will always exist in my heart and I will take the memories of you to my grave and forever beyond that.  I feel like I can be with you forever, but if I could I most definitely would.  I realize it could never happen within this lifetime… as I try to put together the pieces to my heart and mind.