no title srry

i am going to kill someone.
why do i feel this rage?
i am going to cry.
why do i feel this sadness?
why do i feel so unintelligible?
why can i only focus on my emotions?
why do i only focus on myself?
what ever happened to my sense of logic?
self doubt.
and now i completely trust myself.
i still do.
why do i feel so exhausted?
why do i feel so sad?
i am afraid i'm going to fail.
but it will be okay.
there's no reason to worry at all.
i love you.
all the world loves you.
so why do i feel so sad?
is it okay that i feel sad?
what if it is not?
is there anything i can do?
is there anyone i can talk to?
i feel sad!
i feel alone!
i feel empty!
and at the same time
i do not feel any of this
when i try to admit how i feel
instead i feel fulfilled and content
i do feel content
i feel content and empty all at once
i feel angelic and useless all at once
i feel dead and alive all at once
i feel sick.
sigh. i feel anxiety. i feel excitement
there is no reason to worry at all
but my own assurances don't do much
i want to know that i am loved unconditionally-
although, i know this already.
i suppose i feel safe.
i suppose i don't.
sigh. i feel conflicting
calm in the moment, yet perpetually in incredible danger
anxiety?
sigh.

i
can never write anything besides diary entries.
is that poetry?
or is it just my confusion?
bite me.

i can never truly get along with people who scoff at art...
that's how i'm understood. does? sigh.
talk to me. just talk to me. feel what i feel.
is writing SM?
at least my writing is.
my whole life is SM.
my tongue is out and my mouth is closed.
i'm too serious and careless all at once
but at best, i seem like i'm about to bite you.
it makes the best people feel safe
and the worst people look away.
i at least, feel safe under a grimace.
why's that?
what exactly, is in a smile, babe?

twil.twill well till till it will be well well when a word will want what that heart wants to spell and fashion shrapnel to twill well. when does it not spell well into the wall. poetry befalls us all into all wall well spell wall whale tail scale tell ail trails when.