memories of him

tonight,
my own scent triggers me
brings back memories of him
his hands where i didn’t want them to be
too young to understand,
too much to cope with.
but i liked to be touched
and from then on, i was stained
missed being touched
and sometimes i didn’t mind
whose hands touched me
because i wanted it so bad.
tonight,
i wondered who would touch me
feel my skin and what’s underneath
because if i am too much,
hands could barely hold me
so it only seemed fair
that the hands once holding me
just used me for their own satisfaction.
i lack touch, because i lack love
at least it feels like it
so i fall in love with everyone
but make sure it doesn’t last
so i get satisfaction for seconds
and later, my heart is dry for months