Almost Easy

  So I guess this is one of those things I’ve always done my best to avoid talking about, and I’m still gonna change the subject anytime it comes up in conversation, so don’t even think of this has an open invitation, it still belongs to me. My thoughts and feelings will remain hidden… I’m keeping these things private, the secrets I’ve kept for myself. Opening up only leads me towards having to admit to things I really don’t even want to think about, and that’s not a road I’m ready to go down. I know someday I’ll be forced to face my own demons, fight for the chance to make good on every promise I’ve ever made and I hope at some point I’ll be given the opportunity to make up for all the fucked up things I’ve said or done… make all these wrongs right again. But for now, I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve made so many mistakes in such a short time, I‘m still so young, and for that, I truly am sorry, but I fear my future may prove to only make even more. I know the pain I’ve caused to those few who honestly do care is something I could never undo, because for any misery, and every mess I‘ve left them to clean up after, I was only hurting myself, and I know now that nothing can replace the past. Just try to remember, every single time I screw things up, it wasn’t on purpose, and given the choice, I’d sacrifice my own life before ever letting myself hurt you.But now I’m not even completely sure of who I am, I lost myself somewhere along the way I guess.My reflection is my worst enemy, I hate the person I see when I’m looking at myself. But I can’t deny that she’s got something I don’t, strength, and she can make me feel or do and even say things I would never wish to claim as my own. She makes me sick to my stomach, and every single day I struggle to hold myself back from taking my fist and shattering every fucking mirror I find, but what good would that even do at this point? There really is no escaping myself, and I’m just about out of reasons to believe in this person I should have been. Yes, it’s true, in reality she is simply… me, that is unavoidable and no matter how hard I try, it’s one piece of my life that will always remain unchangeable, but don’t you dare get us confused, because no matter what you may think, what you’ve heard or what you believe, I am NOT her.