i wish i could find her

Im sorry you cant find her,
the one your looking for.
Shes buried down deep inside,
Shes forever no more.
I hid her so good,
that she got stuck.
Never to return again.
People think they can save me,
and turn my life around.
Well think again!!!!!!
Ill kill myself before I ever let her go.
Im not ever goin to let her get hurt again.
Shes pure goodness,
couldnt ever harm anyone...
but they harmed her.
After that she was damaged so I hid her from the world,  
so she would never be hurt again.
All her bad qualties are what I am now.
Im a drug addict at age 14,
moved schools 10 times.
Im a problem child,
that no one can help.
All the therpists in the world couldnt figure me out.
all i have is bad memorys,
I have no hope, no faith.
To guide me away from the path of my own destruction.
I have caused the people I care about so much grief.  
I cant think of anything but myself.
If I get benifited,
hell yeah im all for it.
The pills brought her up out of the darkness and pain,
and I was happy for once in my miserable life.
I cant have one fucking good thing without it going downhill.
Of course my bitch of a mother would fuck it all up.
Shes such a selfish bitch..
She couldnt leave me alone to die happy could she?
godamn it im goin crazy.
I need some medicine to abuse..
Who would have known that this sweet girl would turn into this?
I sure didnt know how my life would twist.
What the fuck did i miss?
Was there no warning sighns?
Of course there was I just chose to ignore them.
Maybe ill find her one day,
but untill then...
Ill just live to die!!!!!