A Staircase with No Handrail

A moment of silence
As I
Retrieve my thoughts
Today is the day
My dad passed away
Twenty first of December
No longer Christmas
Brings a cheer
And New Year’s
Starts on the twenty first
For me
And in my thoughts
I ask myself
How am I
Since that
Sad day
On the outside
I appear the same
But deep inside
I hide from myself
No answers
Or ideas of what
Direction
I am going
Many weekends
I feel bored
No one
I can physically
Converse with
Texting
Is not the same
As I have memories
Of my dad and I
Talking
Face to face
And now he’s
On vacation
And I’m here
Trying to figure out
The passage of life’s turns
I continue to work
Keeping my mind off
Of this day
Maybe….
Just maybe
That’s the day
I became the man
My dad was molding me
To one day be
The man in charge
To be here
For my mother
That’s been slowly embarking
On her new journey
As I
Have stayed back
Making plans
But with no one
Telling me
If they’re right or wrong
And this year
Lost some friendships
And gained some more
Had my heart
Put on pause
Before it got broken
But hey
I’m still growing
Obstacles
Still up ahead
On this road
I’m walking on
But this new year
After the twenty first
I have plans
Of making a change
What used to effect me
I won’t even break a sweat
Lose some friends
I’ll be easy to turn the other cheek
Because
I been through more
Than one person
Could ever do for me
That sounds cold
But many nights
I have laid in my bed
With an electric blanket
Over my head
With no warm body
Next to me
This new year
A different me
They will see
And with the pain
I endure
The more strength
I will gain