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Inside The Bell Jar
It's like a switch, almost like a light.
Turning from off to on.
Dark to bright.
The light dims, flickers and goes out.
The manic is replaced by the depressed.
And I can feel it, hanging...
over my head like a descending rain cloud
of a dark and evil storm that's brewing in the distance.
I cover my head to protect from the glass shards
that fall and pierce my skin.
Making me scream out, seeing my blood covered marble skin.
Dripping and draining,
chest pains gripping my heart
as I shiver and shake.
Thoughts of abandonment send me into panic,
making me feel sick with loss and resentment.
I want to cry for help,
beg for someone to save me from this madness
that has stalked since childhood's innocent hours.
When I laid awake at night watching a dark figure loom over me.
Hearing the voices whisper to me, above and inside my head.
The whispering of my name.
The strange shadows that walk through my walls.
And the fear...
The fear of leaving safety,
of being exposed where I can be hurt or embarressed.
And so I hide,
in my darkness.
Inside of my depression,
my lonliness,
my broken soul,
shattered heart,
cut open chest,
inside my madness,
my insanity...
My bell jar.
It decends upon me in my weakest hour.
Making it hard to breath behind those glass walls.
Everyone can see me but they cannot help.
And though I want them to, I cannot find the strength to ask.
Inside my bell jar, I am alone.
Inside my bell jar, I'm only a danger to myself.
Inside my bell jar, there is no escape.
Inside my bell jar, self sacrafice is the only way out.
Denial of existence.
Loss of salvation.
Denied
Died.
A soul without a tourniqet.
A forgotten suicide.
Turning from off to on.
Dark to bright.
The light dims, flickers and goes out.
The manic is replaced by the depressed.
And I can feel it, hanging...
over my head like a descending rain cloud
of a dark and evil storm that's brewing in the distance.
I cover my head to protect from the glass shards
that fall and pierce my skin.
Making me scream out, seeing my blood covered marble skin.
Dripping and draining,
chest pains gripping my heart
as I shiver and shake.
Thoughts of abandonment send me into panic,
making me feel sick with loss and resentment.
I want to cry for help,
beg for someone to save me from this madness
that has stalked since childhood's innocent hours.
When I laid awake at night watching a dark figure loom over me.
Hearing the voices whisper to me, above and inside my head.
The whispering of my name.
The strange shadows that walk through my walls.
And the fear...
The fear of leaving safety,
of being exposed where I can be hurt or embarressed.
And so I hide,
in my darkness.
Inside of my depression,
my lonliness,
my broken soul,
shattered heart,
cut open chest,
inside my madness,
my insanity...
My bell jar.
It decends upon me in my weakest hour.
Making it hard to breath behind those glass walls.
Everyone can see me but they cannot help.
And though I want them to, I cannot find the strength to ask.
Inside my bell jar, I am alone.
Inside my bell jar, I'm only a danger to myself.
Inside my bell jar, there is no escape.
Inside my bell jar, self sacrafice is the only way out.
Denial of existence.
Loss of salvation.
Denied
Died.
A soul without a tourniqet.
A forgotten suicide.
Published 19th Mar 2012
| Edited 1st Mar 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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