Funeral Funny Business

somewhere between hopeful pessimism
and mundane ambivalence
i lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel
with rocks in my pocket and
Some powder still left on my nose
I seem to have forgotten
all that I was supposed to know
when you just cant get that high anymore
what do you do?
where do you go?
tear droplets hit my cheeks
from waves of emotion that crash and swallow
how you take THAT many pills
and yet still feel THAT fucking hollow?
the thought of a lover, a final obstruction
opportunity seems endless
when everything looks like a weapon of personal destruction
Two steps to the ledge
And one step back 
How can you live with a brain always under attack?
you cant, so you jump
at least almost
Third times a charm, thoughts overdose
The only thing I'm really truly afraid of
Is getting stuck as a ghost
Or maybe making my mom cry
Guess I got some brothers and sisters too
None of them never did really understand anyway
Why i do the things I do
What makes this any different?
Separates this time from all the rest?
They'll all just forget about me
It's okay, this was all in good jest
Yeah, it's all just a joke
We can all laugh together
Nah, I swear I'm not serious
Just in some colder weather
Go ahead, look at me funny
But I'm just tired okay
And idk really know what else yall
Would want me to say
Have my brother read my eulogy
He's so good at that serious type of stuff
The angel's will be reading my name off in gold
By the time yall get to the amazing grace chorus
Yeah, that was a kinda crappy rhyme
So I guess this is the end
Idk what else to say but
Yeaaaah....alright
Amen