Drowning in Fire

 
“Drowning in Fire”

You never told me what was wrong.
Not that I was listening.
You had me waiting all night long
Just to hear the doorbell ring.

You never had to look at me that way,
But you spoke of Heaven yesterday.
How can I speak the words you never said,
From the tears we were doomed to shed?
Yours from your side of the door.
I’d never heard you crying before.

But when you said you wished you were dead
I smiled at how alike we became—
I never knew that you felt the same
And you said, to the stilling of my breath
Every day brings you closer to death.
I’ve been waiting for you for all my years:
Tasting native goodbyes from foreign tears.

I bought you chocolates, and roses
So you’d have something that dies.
So pretty, how each decomposes
Like the light in a dead man’s eyes.

Did you not like to watch me kill myself for you?
Drowning on the raindrops from a sky of blue.
And I liked how you’d pretend I was just a friend.
I’m so glad we cried the day you survived.
And when at last your heart arrived
You said what I’d longed to hear.
And I kissed away your every tear.

Where are you now? O! Where
Are you now? You were not there.
Where are you now? O! Where
Are you now? To my despair
We did not die that night together.
But you’ll be in my heart forever:
A piece of you that I can save
To take with me to the grave.
Where are you now? O! Where
Are you now? You did not care.
You told me what was wrong…
It was that I was crazy—as if I was listening
As if I was listening all night long
Just to hear you sing.

© 2022 Marten Hoyle