"Love & Lust" (a "Her" perspective)

I met him at his place.      
      
As soon as I walked in, he welcomed me by lifting me up, pinning me against the wall and kissing me, both passionately and hungrily. My whole body trembled.      
       
While I was up there sitting on his hands, I thought to myself “I cannot believe I’m here with him.”      
       
He took my hand and brought me in, past the kitchen. He had spent the whole morning cooking for us… for me. I felt flattered, valued, important, appreciated. Things I haven’t felt in a while.      
       
While he was plating the food, I decided to tease him. I hugged him from behind, breathing sensually onto his neck and kissing it. I could tell he was enjoying it as I could feel the shivers going through his body. He would twist slightly. It was so cute.      
       
In a split second, he turned around, lifted me up a second time and placed me on the kitchen counter top. He gave me a wet kiss and bit my lips just right.  Then, he pushed my chest onto the counter top and he unbuttoned my jeans. In that moment, fueled by desire of him and from seeing how focused he was on me, I knew he could do to me whatever he wanted to. I would let him. And I knew I’d enjoy it to its fullest. His drive was me. And I so wanted to ride him.      
       
“Forget the food.” I said. “Take me upstairs.”      
       
He looked me in the eyes and smiled. I could tell he was happy. He was happy because I wanted him and he never expected me to. He would often say I was out of his league. He really had no idea for how long I'd wanted him.      
       
He lifted me up a third time and took me to his room while our mouths devoured each other. I was so turned on in that moment, but I had no idea what was to come still.      
       
The threw me on the bed and kissed me while caressing every inch of my body. He knew exactly where and how to touch me. It was like I couldn’t hide anything from him. He knew me. It felt so good…      
       
He took off my jeans and my panties followed. With an unparalleled drive, in the following moment his head was in between my legs. He started licking my pussy. I was already immensely wet, but the moves of his tongue turned into sexual magic that pleasured me to a level I had never experienced before. He dipped his tongue into me, licking my insides with gluttony and I enjoyed every millisecond of it. I moaned, arched my back in an attempt to get even more of him and screamed “Oh God!”. He would bit and suck on my lips. It was absolutely breathtaking and I felt I was coming throughout my body. Everywhere.      
       
I pulled him towards me and he slipped two fingers inside me, not before wetting them in his mouth, with my own following shortly after. My whole world was him, everything else stopped existing and there was only us. I had to tell him.      
       
“I want you to fuck me.”      
       
He looked at me with an expression that I couldn’t figure out right away, but I knew he wanted me too, and there & then, it was all I wanted. Him. Inside me.      
       
He lifted me up one last time and sat me on top of him.        
       
Words cannot describe how it felt to have him entering into me...      
       
I moved rhythmically while losing myself into him, indulging in my deepest depravities.      
       
This is what he awoke in me. With his lips, with his touch, with his eyes, with his words…      
       
He showed me a glimpse of the dream we had just walked into. His desires of me healed my pain.        
       
But it was nothing more than that, a dream. And without mercy, reality kicked in again.        
       
I know how he feels. He’s somewhere in a place between love & lust in regards to me. He tries to hide it from me and he makes jokes about it.        
       
But deep down, I know he prefers to have me like this - not really having me - rather than not having me at all.      
       
I care about him, I really do. I don’t want him to get hurt and I know I should stop. But I just crave him too much, everything that he gives me and everything he makes me feel.      
       
I know it's selfish. But it has to suffice, for now.