Faking happy

I'm so scared of hurting people
So I suffer alone for a human...
Im unfit

So I smile I act like I'm better
I lie.
Its so ridiculous easy to pretend
I'm happy.

its not that I don't want to be happy
Its despite how hard I try
I can't bring my self to be happy

I feel suffocated/embrassed/ashamed
Why do I have to be this way ?

Its like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground
And how ever hard I try
I can't pull my self out.
I can't bring my self to care
About anything!
Living has become a constant nightmare
And its just not fair
Theres no point to this .
I cant do this .
I can't live this life and frankly
I don't want to.
And if that makes me weak
THAN FINE!  I'm weak.
I cant handle this,feeling like this anymore
Its getting bad again
I'm suicidal but scared of dying
So I painfully live this lie.
Behind a flawless facade of a smile.