deepundergroundpoetry.com
In Want of Words
How I’m in want of certain words,
some words beyond my wit!
The sort of words that shape the world
and make it free of gravity,
the kind that might bring lightning to my hand,
draw down for cunning purposes
a nest of stars,
those words that have the power
to make the master poets weep
for never being theirs.
I want the words I do not have
upon my lips,
words seductive, aching, true,
words clear like early light
and capable and fit,
amazing, dazing, dazzling words,
that rapture you.
some words beyond my wit!
The sort of words that shape the world
and make it free of gravity,
the kind that might bring lightning to my hand,
draw down for cunning purposes
a nest of stars,
those words that have the power
to make the master poets weep
for never being theirs.
I want the words I do not have
upon my lips,
words seductive, aching, true,
words clear like early light
and capable and fit,
amazing, dazing, dazzling words,
that rapture you.
Published 7th Jan 2022
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Your sentence from, "The sort of words that shape the world..........for never being there." is not a complete sentence as there is no main clause. Please, explain.
8th Jan 2022 1:35pm
"Your sentence from, "The sort of words that shape the world..[to] .for never being there." is not a complete sentence as there is no main clause.
The sentence you refer to is one item in my listing of the kind of words that I say in my first line that I want. So apparently, you do not have the imagination necessary to see what the function of my "incomplete" sentence was or how it makes sense given what I say in the opening line of my submission.
The sentence you refer to is one item in my listing of the kind of words that I say in my first line that I want. So apparently, you do not have the imagination necessary to see what the function of my "incomplete" sentence was or how it makes sense given what I say in the opening line of my submission.
8th Jan 2022 2:08pm
I have more imagination than you think, but how can you start an item with a capital letter and end it with a full stop without being a sentence?
"I have more imagination than you think, but how can you start an item with a capital letter and end it with a full stop without [it] being a sentence?"
Easily, since it's part of a list. But I'll admit that this would have been clearer if I had placed a colon after "wit".
Perhaps you'd like to move on now to demonstrating how and why the submission is or is not well written and effective in showing, not telling, a reader what the subject of the piece, i.e., a writer's frustration at not being facile enough to say what he wants to say to a woman, feels like.
Easily, since it's part of a list. But I'll admit that this would have been clearer if I had placed a colon after "wit".
Perhaps you'd like to move on now to demonstrating how and why the submission is or is not well written and effective in showing, not telling, a reader what the subject of the piece, i.e., a writer's frustration at not being facile enough to say what he wants to say to a woman, feels like.
15th Jan 2022 9:25am
Dear Baldwin,
I like the idea of your poem, and the way it is expressed. I like the images in it.
I like the idea of your poem, and the way it is expressed. I like the images in it.
Thank you. But I'd like you to articulate how and why you think the images in the piece that you like are "likable". Your present message is the equivalent of "Yay!" which is hardly helpful in helping me to know how I should continue to construct my submissions.
